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Doshas and Their Ways of Love

Spring is in the air! And when the weather begins to warm up, instead of a cold chill,  it’s love that’s in the air! While vata lovers are social butterflies—charming, witty, and breezy—pitta lovers are passionate, organized, and like to lead(if that is your thing). Kapha people are the love bears we need on a particularly depressing day. Here’s a complete guide to how an individual’s mental constitution (prakruti) and dosha makeup determines who they are as lovers and how compatible they are with each other!

Doshas and Love

The five elements in nature are represented by the three bio-energies or doshas—vata, pitta, and kapha—in us, that give us specific physical and mental character as individuals. In every individual, either one or two of the doshas dominate, defining who we are as individuals. Our doshas explain why even among identical twins, one of them can be extremely shy and introverted and the other can be outgoing and passionate.

Believe it or not, compatibility tests have been around for centuries! According to the ancient science of Ayurveda, our manas prakruti, or mental constitution, as formed by our dominant doshas, determines how we relate to others. For example, if you are a pitta-dominant person, your fiery passion can be a draw for a kapha person who is more or less predictable in their ways of loving unconditionally. Each dosha has a unique way of giving and receiving love. An understanding of each other’s dosha dominance can help you make your relationships more meaningful and satisfying.


Vata combines air and ether, and you get to see these qualities in people with vata dominance. They are quick in their steps, move quickly from place to place and ideas to ideas—typical social butterflies making friends everywhere they go. They can be hard to keep up with. They are the artists, creative geniuses, performers with unrelenting enthusiasm. Though due to lack of fire element, they can be slightly cold, and lack of earth element can make them a little ungrounded or fleeting. When the vata is out of alignment, you can see they are anxious, restless, and have sleep problems.

As lovers, they are eccentric, impulsive, and charming. (Think of Freddie Mercury.) They are always looking for newer experiences. They are agile and ready to adapt. These qualities make them an instant hit with kapha and pitta people. To make them stay, you’ll need to continuously guide them in unexplored directions and help them keep moving, instead of getting insecure and trying to hold them back. If you can inspire them enough, they might channel their creativity to love you in ways you could not imagine.

Vata people can sometimes be ‘too much’ for those with dominance of kapha dosha, who like the slow and easy pace of things. The adorable charming ways can turn into unreliable and shifty, which can really get on the nerves of pitta people.


Passion and intensity defines people with pitta dominance, and healthy serving of fire element. They are the ones who are organized, perfectionists, self-motivated and get stuff done. They are also sharp and witty. (Think of Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory!) When pitta gets out of hand, they weigh on the side of anger and frustration, cynicism, impatience, and inflammation. They like thrilling adventures, but they also know their risks. There is no going back once they are in love with someone. They don’t mind attention at all. It comforts the fire in them. They also like to lead. They adore and appreciate beauty.

So the steadiness and stability of kapha people can be very compatible with pitta’s love for organized living and adjustment. But their potential lethargy and lack of intensity can sometimes be a turn-off for pitta people. Similarly, lack of stability and tendency to drift in vata people, can push pitta people away.


When kapha is balanced, people with kapha dominance are the epitomes of unconditional love and warmth, among the three doshas. With kaphas, you never need to worry if they love you or not. Because you will see it in their body language, loyalty and steadiness. They are also very grounded, a quality that vata people can use to balance their personalities.

Kaphas are calm and unruffled for most part of their lives. They can keep doing the same thing every day without getting bored, unlike vata people. So the good news is that kapha people are low maintenance when it comes to dating them. They are generous givers, too, and are comfortable being led by people they love.

But when kapha gets imbalanced, the same earthy quality can make them lethargic, kill the desire to move or be active, make them prone to depression and weight gain.

As lovers, they feel like home coming—comfortable and non-judgmental. They have the capacity for unconditional love. They do not give up easily. Their calmness is soothing for fiery pitta. If they find the reciprocation and spontaneity, they can be very expressive in their ways of loving.

For peace-loving, easy going kapha people, dealing with the sharpness and straightforward nature of pitta people can be a challenge. But if their love is strong, they can influence pitta by showering them with unconditional love and understanding, a comfort that pitta people often seek. For pittas, achieving the goal is the main thing while for kapha people, it is all about enjoying the process.

Beyond Doshas: How to Make It Work

Increase your sattva. Sattva signifies purity of matter and consciousness. Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says that in order to bring in more luck and achieve one’s goals, the quality of sattva needs to be increased in oneself.

Read: Ways to Increase Sattva

By increasing one’s sattva, for example, the apparent lack of compatibility between vata and kapha couples can be addressed. More sattva will help ground vata people and give more energy to those with kapha dominance. Even among pitta-pitta couples, the passion will find positive direction and grounding with more sattva. More sattva will help everyone, irrespective of their doshas, become more accepting and self-reliant-two qualities that can enrich any relationship.

Bring the doshas into balance. Bringing all the three doshas in balance enhances the positive qualities of the doshas and reduces the undesirable side of each dosha. So pitta people can be more sensitive instead of causing unintended hurt with their sharp and snarky comments, the vatas can deal with their cold sides, and the kapha people can learn to meet the pace of the other two doshas and yet keep their love and caring nature intact.

Here’s how you can balance the doshas.

Find the right ways to pamper your partner. Ideas include

  1. Something sweet for your kapha partner
    • Make them pudding, cakes or ice creams with all your love.
    • Add spices like ginger, ginseng or black pepper in their meals to balance kapha.
    • Arrange for foot or body massages for them. The warm oil will balance excess kapha, while totally relaxing them.
    • Take them on a vacation near water or trees.
    • Give them something you have made yourself instead of store-bought gifts to impress a Kapha person. They love, observe and appreciate the smallest things you do for them.
  2. For your pitta lover!
    • To impress pitta folks, give them gifts that are classy, simple and elegant—a watch, belt, a nice bag, subtle fragrances, anything that says style.
    • You can also invite them on a couples wellness retreat to relax their minds, soothe their body, and rejuvenate their soul.
    • Cook them meals that are not very spicy, sour, or salty, which can aggravate pitta. Pitta people are known for great digestion and they can eat just about everything, without their digestion going for a toss. The food should be cool or light warm and not steaming hot. The food should be cooler in summer in the form of salads or fruit juices. Mint or licorice are favored herbal teas for pittas.
    • Play games with them and let them win. (that’s a secret!)
  3. What does your vata lover need?
    • Vata lovers like to be surprised! Anything new, anything they have never experienced before is a good gifting option.
    • Instead of material gifts, book them on newer experiences—a weekend retreat where they can meditate, do yoga, take nature walks, and also engage in creative activities such as pottery, music, and more.
    • Cook them a heavy vata-grounding meal.
    • Take them out to an adventure (bungee jumping comes to mind); or watch a new and exciting film with them.

Here’s a complete guide to food for the doshas!

Keep in mind, we are all unique and that we must honor our differences—without judging or trying to change the other person. Wishing much love to you and your dosha this spring!