A few years ago I was at a gathering of personal growth experts and leaders. Many have names you would recognize. All would consider themselves “spiritual” people.
At dinner, I was seated next to a very handsome 50-something man who was the boyfriend of one of our members. Let’s call her Julie and call him John.
Julie had been a divorcee for nearly two decades, and in spite of her best efforts to find love, wasn’t having any luck. She is a bit of a “perfectionist” and had a lengthy and detailed “must-have” list that honestly sounded like the “male version of her.”
I asked John how they met. He lit up and told me they met at a charity Gala where they had randomly been seated next to each other and sparks flew.
I asked him what he loved about being with Jill. He explained he works as a cardiac surgeon and also volunteers around the world with Doctors Without Borders. He is a really solid, loving guy who grew up in a happy home. When he met Jill, he had never meditated, done yoga, or heard of Deepak Chopra or Jack Canfield.
One day Jill took him to hear Deepak speak about the mind-body connection and he was fascinated and wanted to learn more. Watching how Jill leads her life with a positive attitude, he decided to try more of these things and he slowly began to align with Jill’s most important values. He saw how doing these things would alleviate stress and also how they could help his patients heal better and faster. Jill became a real gift in every area of his life. John brought love, devotion, security and fun to Jill’s life.
The point of this story is that if Jill had insisted on finding a man who had done the things on her list such as extensive inner-work (which he didn’t really need because not everyone has gut-wrenching childhood wounds to recover from), and she demanded that her soulmate be a meditator and yogi and seeker, they would have never met.
Fortunately for Jill, the Universe intervened and sent her what she really most needed (him too!).
Trying to “dictate to the Universe” isn’t always helpful. While I do believe that you can specifically ask for what you most desire, I also believe that many people don’t first look to more important things such as “how do you most want to feel” with your soulmate and “what is your soul most calling for.”
If you are seeking to feel loved, cherished, adored, supported with a devoted partner, the truth is there are many potential partners if you eliminate things that truly will not contribute to your long-term happiness because meditation and yoga and working on yourself relentlessly are zero indication of someone’s actual values.
My belief is that there can be great attraction from opposites as long as there is also connection, compatibility, chemistry, clear communication, and a shared vision for the future with that person.